It can seem like there's "no other way" to really communicate to your mate what you want to say-- even if you know the probable and serious consequences of you breaking trust as well.

Yes, even though your partner has already broken trust by having an affair, you cheating is only going to tear you two apart even more.

Any short-term "benefits" of you having an affair will be vastly overshadowed by plenty of negatives and drawbacks-- many of which include you feeling even more hurt.

Explore ALL of your feelings...without acting on them.

Even though you might be itching to DO something about this information that you've just found out or that you've just confirmed (that your partner is cheating), we do not recommend that you take an
action right now.

If at all possible, put off talking with your partner and, most definitely, don't embark on a revenge affair.

Now is not the time to further complicate your life with another relationship, even if you don't consider the cheating to officially be a relationship.

Find a quiet and private space and give yourself permission to let out any and all feelings you are having.

Give yourself pillows to punch, paper or pictures to burn (in a fireplace or fire-safe container), pencil and paper to write down how you feel and whatever else comes to you. Put on loud music and dance, stomp your feet and shout.

Get those feelings out in some way that is not damaging to you or another person.

What all of this does is to give you some initial clarity. It also helps you burn off some energy so that you aren't quite so tempted to do something rash like have a revenge affair.

Honestly assess your current relationship situation.

There will likely be more waves of strong emotion that come up for you surrounding your partner's infidelity and your relationship. Create time in the future to do whatever works to help you get those
feelings out.

When you feel some release and clarity, it's time to assess your current situation and make some decisions.

Even if these are in-the-moment decisions and not longer-term decisions, make them when you're as clear and calm as possible.

Look at what you know and listen to what you need right now. For example, you might need some temporary space from your partner to
make a decision about whether you'll stay in this relationship or leave it.

You might need to have the difficult conversation with him or her to find out what's next.

If you do want to try to rebuild trust and restore your relationship after infidelity, when you communicate with your partner, have specific ideas for how you want your partner to prove to you that he or she is trustable again.

There are actions that you'll need to take-- forgiving and not living in the past-- but your partner has to be willing to do the work too. This has got to be a team effort.