Communication Advice for Couples:
3 Ways to Talk Trust
By Susie and Otto Collins

One sure-fire way to rebuild trust in your love
relationship or marriage is to improve the ways that you and your partner communicate. Too often couples fall into communication habits that contribute to disconnection and distance.

Once you are aware of the tendencies that take you further apart, then you can learn and practice new ways of communicating that will help bring you closer together.

It is not so important for you to figure out which of you is to "blame" for the mistrust and possibly disconnecting communication patterns.

Instead, we recommend that you and your mate make it your intention to talk trust more of the time. Learn how to communicate with more honesty, transparency and integrity.

This will help rebuild trust and restore your connection.

Try these 3 ways to Talk Trust:

#1) Don't lie or hide the truth in order to "keep the peace" or make your partner happy.

Think about a child who lies about accidentally breaking a lamp because she is afraid that her mother will be angry with her for breaking the lamp.

Undoubtedly, the mother discovers that the lamp did not break on its own and the dog was outdoors all afternoon. The mother comes to the realization that her daughter broke the lamp and then lied about it.

In just about every case, the mother is unhappy with her child because of the lying and not so much about the broken lamp.

If you didn't learn this lesson during childhood, learn and remember it now. People are usually most upset when they are lied to.

Whatever you did or said that you worry will make your partner unhappy, it is probably much more manageable than if you lie about it or hide the truth.

You really can't know for sure how another person will react to something. Don't allow your negative expectations lead you to be dishonest in your relationship.

Take a deep breath, get clear about what you know to be true about your words or actions and then be honest and transparent about them.

#2) Communicate from the present moment, not the past.

This is huge issue for many couples. Sometime ago in the past-- or even in a past relationship with another person-- a situation or event happened in a particular way and from that past event, the person assumes the present will follow
along in the same way.

The problem with assuming your partner will respond the same way he or she did in the past to a similar situation is that circumstances are often different and people themselves change.

It is highly likely that you and your partner have both changed and grown over time, your preferences are different and so are the things that trigger you.

Yes, you are the same in many ways. But you both are different as well.

Before just about any conversation, remind yourself that you and your mate are here in this present moment. Don't take for granted what your partner might be thinking or assume what he or she is about to say.

Instead, listen carefully and ask questions when you aren't sure and would like more information.

#3) Don't agree to what you can't or won't actually do.

When you talk trust, you only make agreements with your partner after you've checked in with yourself first. You don't say "yes" to a request made by your mate just to get him or her "off your back."

This almost always leads to trouble and irritated or hurt feelings.

If you feel backed into a corner about something your partner really wants you to do, ask for some time and space. In almost every case, you can take even a few minutes by yourself to really tune in to how you feel about the specific issue and request.

Ask yourself if the request is something you are willing to do and really consider whether this is doable for you. 

If you are willing to meet your mate's request, but you are concerned about being able to follow through, share that with your partner.

There might be a way that he or she can slightly alter the request to make it feel more doable for you.

In order to improve communication with your partner, it is essential that you stay in touch with your own feelings and desires.

Get clear within yourself about what you want--
both for yourself and for your relationship. Be honest about what you are feeling and desiring.

When you speak in an affirming way about what it is that you want-- rather than on what you don't want-- even more difficult topics can be easier to communicate about. You can talk trust and move closer together.

It requires a willingness to tune in to yourself, listen closely to your mate, and stay open and honest.