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Prevent Infidelity from Happening
AGAIN in Your Love Relationship or Marriage
By Susie and Otto Collins
Sandra and Joseph feel like they are just starting to get
their
marriage back on track.
After Sandra had an affair with a
man she
dated in college, both she and Joseph did a lot of soul
searching
within themselves and communicating with one another.
Things are still a bit shaky between them, but every day
their
future together looks a little brighter.
The trouble is, Joseph is still hesitant to fully trust
Sandra. He
was deeply hurt when she betrayed him by cheating. He does
not want
to experience that kind of hurt ever again.
Both Sandra and Joseph have vowed to do whatever they can to
prevent
infidelity from happening again. The challenge is that
neither of
them knows exactly how to do this.
Can you truly prevent infidelity from happening again (or
even in
the first place) in a love relationship or marriage?
This is a really good question...and we have a hopeful
answer for
you.
First, we're going to tell you what you cannot do. If your
partner
cheated in the past, you cannot make future choices to cheat
(or not
cheat) again for him or her. You also cannot force your
partner to
change.
These decisions are all up to your partner.
You can, however, prevent infidelity from occurring.
You can look honestly at your own habits that might be
contributing
to disconnection in your relationship.
When they arise, you
can
interrupt your old patterns that moved you two apart and you
can try
out new ways of being with your partner. You can then
continue to do
those things that seem to help you two move closer to one
another.
You can also support and encourage your partner when he or
she takes
steps toward trustability and re-connection.
Here are a couple of other things that you can do to prevent
infidelity...
Be spontaneous
Too often, once a couple has been together for a period of
time, the
two people fall into usual patterns.
These aren't always
"bad" or
negative patterns, but sometimes they are. No matter how
desirable
the patterns are, too much of even a good thing can become
dull and
boring over time.
Think about how excited and rejuvenated you feel when you
are
greeted in your life with a positive, unexpected surprise.
It might be that a co-worker buys donuts for everyone one
day and
that sweet treat perks up your morning.
It could be that you
run
into an old friend on the street and the two of you laugh
and chat.
You walk away feeling uplifted and joyful.
You can bring that sense of uplift, renewed aliveness and
even
adventure to your love relationship or marriage-- even if
you've been
together for decades.
Be willing to put yourself out there and get creative.
Whether it's
in the bedroom as you two make love or when you offer
suggestions for
what you two could do for a date night together, be spontaneous.
Experiment with new ways to greet your partner after you two
have
been apart. Be romantic, sensual, goofy or fun.
Whatever you
are
drawn to try, if it can potentially spice things up in your
relationship, do it!
Be consistent
There are some aspects of your relationship that are not a
good idea
to be spontaneous and surprising about. There's nothing dull
or
boring about being very consistent when it comes to these
areas.
In fact, if you want to prevent infidelity from happening
again,
it's a good idea to even be predictable in these specific
areas.
Of course, we're talking about creating consistency around
such
things as trust, communication and your agreements with one
another.
When one (or both) of you feels as if the other cannot be
counted on
to follow through and keep promises-- i.e. be consistent--
distance
and resentment can form.
The person who feels mistrusted might begin looking outside
the
relationship for another who will trust him or her and not
be
critical or disappointed.
The person who believes that the
other
will always let him or her down will only become more
convinced that
this is so. This could lead to even more conflict, anger and
disconnection.
When there is inconsistency in how you and your partner
treat each
other when it comes to keeping your promises (even the
"small" ones)
and building trust, the chances of another affair happening
only
becomes greater.
Be willing to be consistent AND be spontaneous.
This
combination can
help you and your partner to move closer together and create
the kind
of relationship with one another that you've always wanted.
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