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Surviving Infidelity
 

Prevent Infidelity from Happening AGAIN in Your Love Relationship or Marriage



By Susie and Otto Collins

Sandra and Joseph feel like they are just starting to get their marriage back on track.

After Sandra had an affair with a man she dated in college, both she and Joseph did a lot of soul searching within themselves and communicating with one another.

Things are still a bit shaky between them, but every day their future together looks a little brighter.

The trouble is, Joseph is still hesitant to fully trust Sandra. He was deeply hurt when she betrayed him by cheating. He does not want to experience that kind of hurt ever again.

Both Sandra and Joseph have vowed to do whatever they can to prevent infidelity from happening again. The challenge is that neither of
them knows exactly how to do this.

Can you truly prevent infidelity from happening again (or even in the first place) in a love relationship or marriage?

This is a really good question...and we have a hopeful answer for you.

First, we're going to tell you what you cannot do. If your partner cheated in the past, you cannot make future choices to cheat (or not cheat) again for him or her. You also cannot force your partner to change.

These decisions are all up to your partner.

You can, however, prevent infidelity from occurring.

You can look honestly at your own habits that might be contributing to disconnection in your relationship.

When they arise, you can interrupt your old patterns that moved you two apart and you can try
out new ways of being with your partner. You can then continue to do those things that seem to help you two move closer to one another.

You can also support and encourage your partner when he or she takes steps toward trustability and re-connection.

Here are a couple of other things that you can do to prevent infidelity...

Be spontaneous

Too often, once a couple has been together for a period of time, the two people fall into usual patterns.

These aren't always "bad" or negative patterns, but sometimes they are. No matter how desirable
the patterns are, too much of even a good thing can become dull and boring over time.

Think about how excited and rejuvenated you feel when you are greeted in your life with a positive, unexpected surprise.

It might be that a co-worker buys donuts for everyone one day and that sweet treat perks up your morning.

It could be that you run into an old friend on the street and the two of you laugh and chat.
You walk away feeling uplifted and joyful.

You can bring that sense of uplift, renewed aliveness and even adventure to your love relationship or marriage-- even if you've been
together for decades.

Be willing to put yourself out there and get creative.

Whether it's in the bedroom as you two make love or when you offer suggestions for what you two could do for a date night together, be spontaneous.

Experiment with new ways to greet your partner after you two have been apart. Be romantic, sensual, goofy or fun.

Whatever you are drawn to try, if it can potentially spice things up in your relationship, do it!

Be consistent
There are some aspects of your relationship that are not a good idea to be spontaneous and surprising about. There's nothing dull or
boring about being very consistent when it comes to these areas.

In fact, if you want to prevent infidelity from happening again, it's a good idea to even be predictable in these specific areas.

Of course, we're talking about creating consistency around such things as trust, communication and your agreements with one another.

When one (or both) of you feels as if the other cannot be counted on to follow through and keep promises-- i.e. be consistent-- distance and resentment can form.

The person who feels mistrusted might begin looking outside the relationship for another who will trust him or her and not be critical or disappointed.

The person who believes that the other
will always let him or her down will only become more convinced that this is so. This could lead to even more conflict, anger and disconnection.

When there is inconsistency in how you and your partner treat each other when it comes to keeping your promises (even the "small" ones) and building trust, the chances of another affair happening only
becomes greater.

Be willing to be consistent AND be spontaneous.

This combination can help you and your partner to move closer together and create the kind of relationship with one another that you've always wanted.



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Contact Info
Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins
PO Box 14544, Columbus, OH 43214
Contact Susie or Otto about Relationship Coaching by calling 614-459-8121.
For all other inquiries, contact us by email


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