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Jealousy
Is Facebook Ruining Your
Relationship?: Jealousy Advice
Infidelity By Susie and Otto Collins
When a couple is trying to rebuild trust and their
relationship
after infidelity, jealousy can provide serious roadblocks to
that
goal.
And when it comes to jealousy, one of the big triggers out
there
appears to be social networking sites on the internet like
Facebook,
Twitter, MySpace and others.
After all, people can share comments, crack jokes and even
flirt in
this seemingly innocent and harmless virtual communication.
Online
interactions can truly be innocent, but, in some cases, they
can lead
to emotional affairs or even physical affairs-- both of
which will
cause further damage to a relationship.
There is a lot of room for confusion and also temptation
when it
comes to social networking sites. This is why many people
feel like
Facebook is the reason why their relationship or marriage is
contentious and unhappy.
Jeri gets a sick feeling in her stomach every time she logs
onto
Facebook.
Her husband, Craig, also has a Facebook account
and so Jeri
can read all of his posts, as well as comments that others
have
written on his "wall."
She has gotten into the habit of frequently checking Craig's
Facebook wall because a woman named "Celia" (whom she
doesn't know)
has been commenting a lot on there.
What is troubling to
Jeri is not
so much that another woman is posting on his wall, it's what
she's
been writing.
There seem to be hidden messages and inside jokes in Celia's
comments on Craig's wall. Something just doesn't feel right
about
this whole thing to Jeri and it's bringing up a lot of
jealousy in
her.
She has asked Craig about Celia, but he always claims
that Jeri
is holding his past against him and is jumping to
conclusions.
Jeri and Craig have worked so hard to get their relationship
back on
track after Craig's affair two years ago. It feels like this
whole
Facebook thing is ruining it all.
Facebook is not the problem...
If you feel jealous and/or suspicious regarding your
partner's
social networking activities, don't blame Facebook or
whatever social
network it is.
Instead, look at the people involved-- your mate and you.
Own up to your habit of being jealous and also take a close
look at
the real evidence of what is happening on the social
networking site.
Get to the roots of your jealousy.
Are you spending a lot of
time
remembering past events in which your partner betrayed you?
Are you
still carrying around hurt from his or her infidelity?
If so, take the time to acknowledge that.
Do the healing that you need to do and pay attention when
your
partner does prove that he or she is trustable again, even
in small
ways.
Sometimes, memories of the past can obscure the
improvements
that another person is making today.
Above all, continue to bring yourself back to this present
moment.
When you read a comment that someone else has made on your
partner's
"wall" or site, don't assume anything.
Take the comment for
what it
is.
The bottom line here is to assess what's going on based on
reliable
information and not on your fears and guesses.
On the other hand, if what you see on your partner's social
networking page or wall seems inappropriate or betrays
inconsistencies between what he or she ha been telling you
and what
another person reports, follow up.
Look for other clues that
will
help you determine what is really going on.
Create clear usage agreements.
If you and your partner are trying to rebuild trust after an
affair,
it's really important for there to be clear communication
between you
two.
While social networking sites are not the "problem" when it
comes to
jealousy and even emotional or physical affairs developing,
they can
be a source of misunderstanding and, yes, temptation.
Come up with specific agreements that you are both
comfortable with
about how you will each interact with others on social
networking
sites.
Are there specific people-- possibly from your partner's
past-- who
it would be wiser to block or "unfriend?"
Will you both
abstain from
instant messaging or direct messaging others? Will you give
one
another full access to your accounts?
This has to be a true agreement, however, and not just one
of you
saying "yes" to something that you don't intend on doing.
These agreements may feel restrictive or even invasive, but
when you
are trying to restore your relationship connection and trust
after
cheating, taking the extra steps can make a positive
difference.
Social networking sites can be an enjoyable way to stay
connected
with friends and family.
They can also be a way to have fun
with your
mate. Try flirting with your partner via his or her "wall,"
for
example.
When used within parameters that feel comfortable and
appropriate to
both of you, social networking does not have to feel like a
threat to
your relationship.
In fact, it can actually be a means to
increase
passion and connection. |
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