Save Your Marriage
 

Re-kindle Your Friendship in Order to Save Your Marriage After an Affair
By Susie and Otto Collins

Jess looks over at her husband Chris as he eats breakfast at their kitchen table. She used to think that she knew him better than anyone else in the world.

This belief was seriously shaken when Jess discovered that Chris was having an affair.

It's been a couple of months since that awful day when Jess confronted Chris about cheating and he admitted it. Chris broke off the affair immediately and both of them have been meeting with a relationship coach.

Things are sort of getting back to normal between Chris and Jess, except for the fact that when Jess looks at him now she can't help but wonder who he really is.

It seems that she doesn't really know him as well as she used to think she did.

When you find out that your spouse or partner has been cheating, you might start to question what you thought you knew about your mate and your relationship.

You may begin to wonder if, over the course of your relationship, you two have grown into different people-- very different than the people who fell in love so long ago.

It can seem as if you are complete strangers to one another.

If you've decided to try to rebuild trust and give your love relationship or marriage another try, it's important for you both to heal and restore a strong sense of trust between you.

It's also very helpful to remember-- or re-discover-- what you like and love about one another.

Sexual intimacy and romance are wonderful ways to move closer together again. It's also beneficial to re-kindle your friendship.

Relationship experts Drs. Charles and Elizabeth Schmitz list being best friends AND lovers among the top characteristics of a long-lasting and healthy marriage.

We couldn't agree more.

Re-discover why you liked one another in the first place.
Yes, you two have probably changed quite a bit since you first met and began dating.

We don't recommend that you and your partner
attempt to go back in time and try to be people who you simply aren't anymore.

Instead, we encourage you to look at one another as a friend-- perhaps even a best friend.

Set aside all of the assumptions that you usually make about your mate on a daily basis. Even if you think you know what he or she really likes and doesn't like, temporarily forget that information.

Get curious and get to know your partner all over again.
Chances are, the things that you think you know so well about your mate are slightly different.

Have fun with this. Go do activities together that are fun and playful.

Charles and Jess take a white water rafting trip together. This is something that they never would have made time to do in the past-- their schedules were just too busy for it.

But, when Charles expressed an interest in getting away and trying something exciting and new together, Jess found a nearby river where they could experience white water rafting with a guide.

The two of them laughed and laughed as they were splashed and tossed about. The sense of adventure and the adrenaline rush stayed with them long after their rafting trip ended.

Rebuild trust by trading confidences.
Best friends most definitely have fun and laugh together. They also tend to share secrets.

As close as you think you and your mate have been over the years, there may be some aspects of yourself that you've kept hidden away for whatever reason.

We don't recommend that you force yourself to open up your darkest secrets to your partner unless you are truly ready to. When you confide in another person, there has got to be a lot of trust.

On the other hand, if you choose to trade confidences with your partner as a best friend, you can bolster trust and strengthen your connection at the same time.

It is up to you what you share and when.

Consider the bond that can be re-established as you open up to your partner just a little bit more.

After their white water rafting trip, Jess begins to feel more familiarity with Chris. They are both calling, texting and e-mailing one another throughout the work day.

They are also beginning to be more sexual with one another.

One evening, as they lay in bed together, Jess shares with Chris some silly stories about her teen years that she's never told him before. These aren't huge secrets about herself, but they are amusing (and a little embarrassing) pieces of her past.

In turn, Chris tells Jess some things about his past that he's never shared with her before.

When you are putting the pieces of your relationship back together again after infidelity, it's absolutely essential for you and your partner to remember why you are together-- it's because you love AND like each other.